Good Intentions and Getting Punched in the Face

“Good intentions” sound like a good thing but in my experience, they’re bad. So, so bad.

Why? Because the word “but” always follows good intentions. 

I had good intentions but…

or

My intention was to give a compliment but…

It never fails. 

Here’s an example:

Close your eyes and picture a five-year-old girl. Not the one you’re related to but the one that’s cute and smiles all the time, never throws tantrums and has two unruly pigtails sticking out of her head. That’s my daughter. So perfect.

Now picture that five-year-old sobbing because her friend said she couldn’t come over after she originally said she would. And no, I’m not talking about her little five-year-old friend. I’m talking about her adult friend. The friend of the family who doesn’t have kids yet but is so much fun and full of energy, and is just an overall great person. That friend. 

She really was an awesome person but she was flakey. More flaky than anyone you’ve ever met and I wanted to punch her in the face a dozen different times because she ALWAYS last-minute canceled on my daughter. She had the intention of spending time with my daughter but rarely did. (See, there it is again. Intention…. But… ) 

Here’s how it would usually go: 

I would tell my daughter that her friend was coming over, she would get all excited, I would receive the cancellation text or whatever, and then I would need to tell my daughter that her friend wouldn’t be coming over. She would be heartbroken and I was the one to pick up the pieces. 

After our family friend pulled this stunt for the third time, I just stopped telling my daughter that she intended to come visit. And when our friend’s good intentions weren’t related to my daughter, she was never disappointed when the plans fell through. We would still make plans and all that, but nine times out of 10 she would have to cancel and all our plans turned into “good intentions.”

So why the story about the kid and her unable-to-commit-to-anything friend?

Because the same goes for the teams you manage.

Intentions are dangerous as a manager. Intentions are just goals or things you would like to get done but aren’t tied to any action items or plans to actually get them done. 

If you go spouting your intentions to your teams, they won’t see them as intentions. They see it as you’ve just made some kind of sacred blood oath and if you don’t hold up your end, they’ll rake you over the coals about it until you’ve somehow paid the price of your thoughtless covenant-making. 

Seriously though, this is what I mean:

If you tell your team that you’re thinking about implementing bonuses based on productivity or possibly creating a new reward system based on performance, you better have that thing planned and executed in about a month or you’re going to have a colossal breakdown in culture and trust.

What’s that saying again? The road to Hell is paved with good intentions? 

Don’t let your team down by being loose-lipped about what you would like to have happen or what your intentions are. Only communicate your intentions when you have goals and action items tied to them. 

If you don’t, your team will probably punch you in the face and then quit.